Category Archives: Jokers

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Loose lips sink ships

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Caught in the act.

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Some B*stard sh*t down my chimney

(N.Morgan) You have to wonder what this guy did to tick someone off this badly. Wow! A Scottish householder returns home to find that some idiot has took a shit down his chimney. Mike Williams is furious as the chimney had only just been cleaned.. Mike raged: “I was just getting home from work when a neighbour ran up and said they had seen a wee ned (Scottish for ruffian) shitting down the chimney. “He’s even taken a wee photo on his phone.

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When I open the door the smell was incredible. “The wee bastards’s shite had landed in the grate, it was all over the place! “It was all on the rug in front of the fire. There’s no way it’ll brush out. What the hell am i going to say to the insurance? ‘Och, a ned shat down the chimney’? “If I get my hands on the little bastard I’ll kick him so hard in the arse he’ll never sh*t again.” A source at Grampian Police said the crime was “Unpleasant and unusual”.

SMT Vs Jason Derulo

Typical naughty antics from the SMT lot, leaves the public stunned!

Pastafari spaghetti dreadlock religion

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Lukáš Nový says the plastic kitchenware is a crucial part of his “Pastafarian” faith. (Nový’s archive)
A man who claims his religion requires him to wear a sieve on his head has been granted permission to use a photo of himself wearing it – on his official ID card.

Lukas Novy, a follower of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, says the plastic kitchenware is a crucial part of his “Pastafarian” faith, and he must wear it at all times to respect his deity; a monster made of spaghetti and meatballs.

Czech officials ruled that rejecting his request would be a breach of the country’s religious equality laws, and have subsequently turned the other cheek as the 28 year old, from Brno, updated his ID card with the controversial image.

The Church of the Spaghetti Monster first emerged in the USA in 2005 as a mockery of organised religion. Now the thousands of online followers insist that “Pastafarianism” is a genuine religion, and refer to their almighty as “His Noodliness”.

Followers claim that that universe was created by the ball of noodles after “drinking heavily”.

In a statement from Brno City Hall, spokesman Pavel Zara explained: “The application complies with the laws of the Czech Republic where headgear for religious or medical reasons is permitted if it does not hide the face.”

Fellow “Pastafarian”, known as Soorej Jones Pothoor, said he feels discriminated against because of his unrecognised religion: “They (people of other beliefs) tell that the Lord Jesus is the one who’ll save you, not a ball of Spaghetti you moron.” And I say, “How dare you call my lord a ball of spaghetti, what proof do you have that Jesus will save you, a book? We don’t even need a proof, it’s all around us.”.

The Czech Republic is the second country to accept the cooking utensil as official religious head gear, following Austria when businessman Niko Alm won the right to wear a similar sieve on his driving licence photo. Many countries still refuse to accept the pasta strainer as such, and other people in counties such as Poland have failed.

Dewsbury Drifters

Worth watching quiet funny…

Penis

Labeled incase you hadn’t guess

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Mae Klong Market

And you’ve got folk screwing about a high speed line between London and Birmingham…

Happy Valentines Days

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Taken from Goodfellas

Remi Rough

Some real talk by your man Drax WD found on his Facebook page, it’s a lot of reading but we love a bit of controversy…

It appears that the ‘former’ graffiti writer Remi Rough has had some kind of breakdown.. How sad. After 25 years of hiding in a hole labelled by all & sundry as a traitorous grass. Yes! I’ll admit labelling him more often than most. But I forgave him a long time ago (Admittedly that was incredibley magnanamous of me but you know you’ve just gotta let go sometimes)

He had been recently spotted doing the rounds on ‘the masking tape & paint chucking art scene’ decked out in gear that made him look the part & with a decent ‘marketing team’ behind him. Wink wink! it appeared he was hustling a buck or 2 within this genre (of which I’ll admit knowing very little) Then for no apparent reason (Well maybe Teach called him a grass & someone teased him about his squeaky voice) He has re-invented himself as the graffiti world’s most cutting & vicious gossip monger. now it appears everyone is a toy, a grass (the irony of it), talentless & even paedophilia has had a mention. Launching into huge diatribes on his sexy blog he has decided the world need to know about the real Remi Rough. And fair play to him. God loves a tryer.

Check him out, it’s really riviting stuff.. But also tinged with a hint of sadness! A bit like our man Gazza, he undoubtably had at least a crumb of talent but now it appears that self-loathing & 20 years of oztrification have consumed him. Implosion it appears is imminent. I wish him luck on nhis road to recovery… ‘Abstract baby’ & So sad!

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>>>>His opinion… (For no apparent reason)<<<>>>My opinion.. Yes! of course it’d too long. Sorry! I can’t help myself. (Because I have to defend myself from this vile troll) <<<> In Australia they call a grass ‘a dog’. So great title there Remi Personally I’d rather move forward but seeing as you’ve stagnated & been in hiding since then in the name of fairness I’ll indulge you 2 questions (1) Why would the BTP dawn raid you at silly O’clock on a ‘Sunday’ when they could just pop around at 11am. This smacks of you trying to sensationalize your BTP visit & inventing what you think might happen with a heavy police visit. I’m not doubting you were arrested but this sounds fabricated . (2) Would this be the same Streatham Police station that sent officers to a flat in North London to investigate an allegation of ‘threats being made’ that had been made by your father (We’ll come back to this later) #Liar #Grass Fuck me! Where can we hire this genius. You haven’t even spoke to the police yet & he’s got you serving yourself up. That’s brilliant & of course ‘utter bollocks’ You agreed to co-operate with the police & tell them what they wanted to know re: Yourself & anyone else. Presenting your statement 21 years ago would have cleared up any suspicions but you declined that suggestion #Grass #Story unravelling Why would they say anything to someone who’s accepted his guilt before the interview started? Unless the questions being asked related to ‘other matters’? The police give up information to people they consider ‘on board’. Then they ask you to confirm that information. You’ve admitted to me that you did confirm ‘some of it’ #Grass #Story wobbling Oh dear! Here we go. Now the real Remi Rough unveils himself. You know that Alfie aka Tera died in sad circumstances a long time ago. Only the vilest of people would use the name of a dead man as some kind of alibi for their sins. #Scumbag #Cunt
The police kept grilling me for a good hour mainly about a writer called Prime and another called Mear, who was and still is a very good friend of mine.
>> Why grill someone that has already surrendered? More bollocks. Got yer statement? No! Of course not So you told the police the guy in the photo wrote Mear? #Grass #Confession Being ‘introduced’ by an irrelevance like you The shame of it! I have photos of that train. Actually it was an end to end carriage not an end to train. & you can have copies coz unlike you I aint bitter #Group hug And I thought you liked me! Christ maybe that’s why I’m friends with oodles of talented writers the world over. I’d never thought of it like that. Thanks! Erm! I suppose it then follows that after having attached myself to you in the late 80’s to get somewhere in ‘this thing’. By 1990 I must have realized that you were a crass plagiarist devoid of even the slightest crumb of originality & I’d better ‘un-attach’ myself pretty damn quick before you drag me down the sewer of irrelevance with you. I did just that & haven’t spoke a word to you since. Touch! #Broken friendship #Egotistical twat This is revealing stuff. Coz they prosecuted me for it. It became the charge of ‘most interest’ to them. Maybe my bit wasn’t as nice as yours? Maybe It’d be a tad unfair to prosecuted someone who’s grassing up the other person involved in the crime? Maybe your ‘brief’ was a legal genius that had worked out that pleading guilty to 2 fully working tubes, that would need to be taken out of service for cleaning was a better shout than pleading guilty to a dead BR train that would sit in Crystal Palace for all eternity? Maybe you’re digging yourself an even bigger hole with this falsified rant. Anyone that’s ever been interviewed in a police station knows that what you’re saying doesn’t add up. That’s why you were called a grass then & it’s why you still look like one today. Read on. #Noose tightening Ahhh! The cardinal sin of the habitual liar/grass: Talking about stuff that you have no knowledge of! Big mistake Bertie Smalls, Your made up nonsense is strangling you. I was not arrested the same morning as you. I never had any contact with Tera. I barely knew him & please stop disparaging the dead. I’d like to make something clear here I was not grassed up & nicked because of the actions of Remi Rough. I was arrested 6 months earlier in an early morning ‘weekday’ visit. My case was preceding, then a week after Remi Rough was arrested I was re-arrested at court & charged with some new offences. The only one they questioned me about at length was the Remi Rough one. I knew then I’d been grassed but didn’t know to what extent Yet! You see Remi! This is what happens when you start telling a story based on lies, it twists & turns at various corners, starts to get whiffy & then it reveals itself as a steaming pile of turd. A bit like many of your current artistic endeavours. #Oooh Cutting #New arsehole ripped Bingo! Gotcha! I got sentenced ‘240 hours’ which at the time was the ‘maximum’ amount that could be given! See I told you. Keep talking & eventually you will grass yourself up. The irony of it eh! Lying about the sentence you received is as near as we can get to a full blown confession. I’m sure you’re reading this squirming & planning your smart arse conceited cunt of a comeback. ‘It’s a long time ago. I’d forgotten how many hours it was’ blah blah! Really I doubt it. You’ve spent the last 20 years shitting your pants every time you go near a graff event because so many people despise what an odious turncoat & creep you are. For sure you’ve hardly forgot a single detail relating to the incident that made you a pariah. The UK graff world’s very own Colin Stagg. Congratulations! #Hands up Guvnor #Grass #Liar #Nowhere to turn #Abusive comeback in keeping with a cornered rat<. Were any of these locations the one where you called the police & told them someone had gone over your piece? #More grassing I’ve never suggested you ‘initially’ gave me up. I didn’t ‘know’ Tera. Stop it with disrespecting dead people. It’s really wrong! #Grass #Scumbag #Liar The hole widens & he falls even deeper into it. How can I begin a series of phone calls without doing it myself? That makes no sense. If someone called you that wasn't me they’d hardly say ‘Drax said you’re a grass’ blah blah. So how would you know that anyone had started a series of phone calls? This is a classic case of a guilty person trying to paint himself as the victim. I’m not doubting you got some phone calls, that unfortunately is the nature of the beast when you get outed as a ‘dog’ within a particular subculture. That’s why you still get abused on the internet & crossed out on your rare public painting sessions. I have no involvement in any of this, though I commend the perpetrators. People like you should be ran permanently out of ‘our community’. I shall now unveil a little more of the rat that is Remi Rough: Sometime in the early 90’s The Independent newspaper did a little feature on ‘graffiti wars’ in London. It mentioned Rough VOP being called a grass & it stated that Goldie was the current darling of the graff game. (Something like that) Someone managed to get in contact with Rough & he launched into a bitter & jealous tirade stating that people were just jealous of him & Goldie had the ‘intelligence of an ant’ (I think those were the words) . Naturally G was upset at this abuse so he rang Rough up (This time I may indeed have given him the number) After a few cross-words with Rough, Remi’s Father came on the phone. At first he played the tough guy, launching into a tirade of racist abuse. G naturally challenged him to repeat those remarks in person so tough guy put the phone down & rang Streatham Police station. A few days later G got a visit (Of course this can verified unlike any of the pile of lies that Remi talks) He was accused of ‘Making a threatening phone call’. Voila! The racist tough guy was revealed as ‘yet another grass’. The charge was dropped as there was no actual evidence of what was said. I’d like to add here that I get no pleasure talking about peoples family members on the internet but seeing as Remi Rough has talked disrespectfully about mine I have to respond in kind. People in glass houses… Blah blah…#Hereditary grassing #Racist #Scumbags He hit you. You landed on your arse & crawled off backwards like a crab. 35/40 people witnessed this so I’ve no idea why you're lying about it. You should have played the victim card here. Coz you genuinely were 'the victim' unlike the made up nonsense that no-one believes. This person hit you because you had been talking shit about him not because of anything to do for me. I can arrange a re-match if you feel unsatisfied! We left because some people 'in our group' wanted to do violence to all of you & some people 'including me' didn't want that to happen. Note: You mention Friends 3 times in this quote but none of them appear to be yours. Funny that #Liar #Friendless #CLUMP! True! But you did know the date of my court case. Why? & as I pleaded guilty ‘no witnesses’ were called I was up for £36,000 of damage. I’ve got the paperwork somewhere. Kept it as a souvenir I spoze. Now please stop lying you clown you’re burying yourself in a mound of utter fabrication. #Liar #Inventing shit #Cornered & about to turn spiteful My father was indeed a Policeman. Anyone I know would know that, Remi Rough knew & I didn't know him well at all. So I’ve no idea what this ‘not many people know that’ snide remark is about. I’m a graffiti writer you utter cunt not a member of the fucking mafia. My father died when I was 9. That’s probably the void in my life that I filled with graffiti. Luckily for Remi it appears he never had such a void in his life to fill, that’s probably why he betrayed this sub-culture at the first opportunity. Yeah my old man was a copper. Big deal! It hardly qualifies me for the higher echelons of freemasonry. But your father is a proven racist & grass. ‘Not many people know that. Wink wink’. What does that say about you? #Scumbag #No respect #Snide #Massive cunt Thank god for that. Imagine the grassing you’d have done if I’d personally abused you! Luckily on the few occasions that I’ve had the misfortune to share a building with this vile person, somebody has usually asked him to leave & he’s scampered off into the night #Ta ta #Done the off #Legged it #Unfinished pint 47 & proud of it Yep! Im absolutely seething at all the places you’ve painted, I’m gutted I was never up on the London streets like you were & if we ever ‘make up’ can you teach me the secret skills of masking taping & show me how to fling paint at a canvass properly. #Stalker #DeludedRule number 1 in the abusive internet spat game! Don’t mess with someone you think has little else to do with their lives. You'll lose! & Yo Grass I don’t talk about people’s domestic situations on the internet if I did I might mention the word they use to describe a child born out of wedlock. Fortunately I don’t do that type of stuff. But if you persist with the venom & un-necessary personal remarks I’m sure it could be arranged. I don’t know you Remi. I haven’t known you for 20 years so you have no idea where I live or who I live with. Truthfully! I’ve spent most of the last 25 years travelling the World indulging my passions for seeing the world & painting it. When I come home, quite often it’s just to rest up, rustle a few quid up & set off travelling again. So where I live is often wherever I lay my hat. Home is wherever I happen to be at the time & in the last however many years that’s a fucking lot of places. More than you could ever comprehend. I go where I want, do what I want & live wherever the fuck I want to. You in comparison have done Nothing, Been nowhere & consequently have a sad & insular viewpoint on life. That’s why you think you can belittle people by talking about them in the way you do. In your sick mind you believe that if you vilify everyone else, with your cyber-attacks & shit-stirring then maybe you will rise to the top. It won’t happen. The world is full of cunts like you that embrace this notion but it eats them to the core when they cannot bring down a decent person who truly has nothing to hide. Naturally you’ll now move on to the next cesspit of filth in your twisted mind & attack me again for showing you for the scumbag that you are. Trust me mate! Everyone knows about you!! Your creepy little voice, the oversized sunglasses & an array of crappy scarves fool nobody. You stink of bitter, jealous irrelevance & you know it. You just carry on with your behavior & I shall unveil more dark secrets of your lurid past. I knew an ex-girlfriend of yours. Didn't know that did you?, She showed me some fucking weird letters, letters where you tell her how much of a graffiti king you are & some other weird shit. I doubt she’s still got them but ‘imagine if she had!’ I’ll drop this line of conversation for now but I may come back to it! Oh yeah! Don’t think I’ve forgotten that you attempted to nonce me off on Instagram when teach called you a grass. A conversation I wasn't even involved in & you've gone so low as to start that kind of filth. What was it now? ‘He paints under-age girls & puts their photos on the internet’. Grow up you cunt! What the fuck are you on you vile little man? Body painting's great fun! You should try it. Infact I'm sure you wish you could do something similar you jealous creep but I’m not too sure that masking tape & paint lobbing would cut it. But maybe! Give it a go. Hopefully you won’t ‘weird’ the girls out with your creepy boat. #Personal remarks. #Vile man #Predator boat #Sexy letters<<
Well. If growing up makes me as nasty & bitter as you then fuck it I’m guilty & yes! I do believe my own bullshit, but unlike yours it’s good stuff & has an amount of credibility. Well! To most of it anyway #Bullshitting Peter Pan Cue the biggest cliché of all. The generic ‘family-man rant’ Bastion of all who have fuck all else credible about them. ‘I’m a family man’ Boo fucking hoo.… Ian Huntley was a family man too you know! It means fuck all to anyone else. Bravo! Good for you! So you’re a family man! To what exactly does that entitle you? Or was it just that you’d nothing else credible to say for yourself? I could say ‘I’m a family man too’, I could say ‘I look after my Mum’ I could say ‘Fuck em all, I’m a free spirit that roams the Earth without a care in the world. But who cares! Who are we trying to impress here. What is this a fucking adoption agency? ‘Family man’ Get real you stupid cunt. We’ll talk about your career & exactly who’s promoting ‘dare I say ‘marketing’ you next time if you’re stupid enough to provoke a ‘next time’. I’m sure that particular company can’t wait to be dragged into an online spat about grassing, noncing, strange letters, racism, insinuating remarks about staff members, questions about who exactly it is promoting under the auspices of ‘Youth marketing’. Does a 41 year old ostracized gringo really fit the bill? #Straw clutching #Family man #Marketing company!I only have big, fat & old cronies… & the thing in Brick lane! I did that myself. No cronies required! Coz I still love shit like that. & I still will at 60 when your daughter is asking you ‘Daddy! Why does no one like you & who’s that old git I saw wrecking your latest masking tape & paint lobbing fresco.’ #Cronies. #Grass ‘as do lot’s of others’… Erm! you keep believing that Sonny! To be fair to Mear I’ve never heard him grass you off. Loyalty! Look it up you Meerkat faced little weasel. But likewise when your name is mentioned he always looks a tad embarrassed & never ever defends you. #Loyalty ‘It’sss not even twue’ ‘Grown ups!’ & don’t forget ‘Family men’ Gotta get that one in there… Fast forward to 2018.. ‘Remi Rough? ‘I remember that creepy little grass. What an utter irrelevance he was. A vile little man. But hey! Yo Wasn’t he a ‘family man?’ . .Oh that’s OK then. #Grown up #Didn’t you start this shit in the first place? #Grass!!!!<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>An alternative opinion! (This is one of many)<<<<

SHOOM1 (2 hours ago)
I don't want to to stick my nose into this situation which is clearly between Dx and Rough, but I feel I have to comment and defend Tera, against the utter lies that Rough has spoke about him. I couldn't fucking believe my eyes yesterday when I read Remi's account of how the real reason DX and himself got caught is because of Tera, and the apparent address book he kept with writers names and numbers clearly marked in it.
( What a pile of shit that is…)
Tera might have been a kid at that time, as you put it, but he wasn't a fucking idiot, he was more clued up than most people I ever met, and the very idea that he would even own such a book, is just a fucking lie, and you know it…
The idea that he had Dx's phone number is another complete an utter lie, Dx is right, they had hardly any contact at all, let alone telephone calls, although I know Alfie had the uttermost respect for him, as do most real writers in this city and beyond. It fucking disgusts me that you feel you can use him as some sort of scapegoat for your own inadequacies and mistakes, now that he is no longer with us. What sort of person does that?
Bear in mind, rewinding back to 1990, Tera was the person that took you yards, allowed you in, helped you, and this is the way that you repay him? To try and dirty his name in your own shit, so you can look clean?
I saw you a few years back, the first time in decades at the 25th Anniversary of Subway Art in London, and we talked about Tera, ( At no time at all did you mention anything about him being to blame ) in fact, you lushed on about him, you told me that Tera had given you his outlines and photos before he had died and that you still kept them. I remember thinking that was utter bullshit, but I never said nothing, I remember even saying to Mear about it, the same evening, he thought it was strange too, now according to you, Tera was the person that got you caught and even better, Dx too?
Why the fuck would anyone accept the outlines and book off of someone that had got them caught, got them blamed for grassing someone up?
Tera was a great friend, he had more balls than you will ever know, he was a great writer, bearing in mind he painted most of his trains between the ages of 14 – 16 years, he had his life cut short, he doesn't deserve to be tarnished by your own cowardice and bullshit. You say Mear is your friend? Well watch out Mear, because we now know how you treat your friends. Me, Mear and Tera did a lot of yards together, we spent a lot of time together, I wonder how he will feel about you now blaming Tera for all your own shit?
I never knew if you were a grass or not, there were a lot of grasses back then, so I never treated you as one. I treated you with the respect I have for someone I went yard with, but now having listened to the lies you have spread about Tera, I would say you are an utter coward, haunted by your own lies and deceptions, governed by your own self interest and self preservation, and that preservation comes at any cost, including most disgustingly of all, the tarnishing of a former associate and co writer who helped you achieve your goal of painting London tubes, who now sadly is no longer with us…
Utterly wrong…..
TROOPA/TERA IBS…..R.I.P. — with David Beeby, Conrad Johnson, Charlie Shazer, Setho Ranks, Shok Oner, Benito El Rey, Ben Eine, David Naba, Mark Sinckler, Marcus James, Mark Roome and Doze We Rock-Hard

Grifters Second Photo Book

Those of you who are unaware who the grifters are, are the jokers that brought you this and very good guys.

GRIFTERS CODE EPISODE 3: UNFOLLOW THE LEADER from Teh Grifters on Vimeo.

Well you may have seen similar posts on other blogs but that is because we’ve all just had an email from the grifters offering us free goodies to promote them a little more which in all fairness we all love a few freebie’s. Regardless to the freebies The Grifters are seriously worth looking at blogging some serious shit to look at, and confirms there point that they are really really good guys! …

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TheGrifters PhotoBook Two:

Preview here: http://issuu.com/bobtark/docs/thegrifters_photobook_2

100% Grifters film photography, the raw and uncut interview that we gave for Concrete magazine + a travel report from a hiking trip to the Seven Lakes of Rila in Bulgaria.

All personally signed!

Size: A5
Pages: 104 full color
Presell: 10 euro including free worldwide shipping (Until 15 February)
Normal Price: 15 Euros including worldwide shipping (After 15 February)

SHIPPING STARTS AT 25 FEBRUARY

Order here: http://thegrifters.bigcartel.com/product/thegrifters-photobook-2

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Lidl Wain

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Occupational hazard

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Found this funny !

A Birmingham schoolboy turned super-sleuth when he tracked down a robber who stole his iPhone in a knife attack.

The 12-year-old boy teamed up with a passer-by and a witness to follow the thief across the city.

Criminal Terence Jones, from Sedgehill Avenue in Harborne, had pounced on the 12-year-old as he made his way home from school in Bordesley Green.

But he underestimated his young victim who gave chase and asked a member of the public to report the robbery and his attacker’s description via a 999 call.

Jones had to take to desperate measures in an attempt to lose the schoolboy turned detective.

The cowardly attacker temporarily escaped the schoolboy’s attention by hiding in a garden but when he emerged a suspicious neighbour followed him in his car and relayed his movements over the phone to police as he boarded the number 97 bus.

Officers intercepted the bus minutes later and arrested the stunned 22-year-old on the top deck.

The boy’s phone was found stuffed down the side of a seat.

And at Birmingham Crown Court on Monday (Dec 3) Jones, who admitted robbery, was jailed for five-and-a-half years.

Investigating officer DC Ian Clifford, said: “These days people are quite cynical about community spirit but this is a great example of Good Samaritans coming to the aid of a young victim, not turning a blind eye, and enabling police to make a swift arrest.

“After boarding the bus Jones, who was sweating and out of breath, clearly thought he’d made a successful getaway – he was certainly surprised to see the arresting officers when they appeared up the stairs!”

Jones spotted the lad using his iPhone in Broadway Avenue, Bordesley Green, just after 3.30pm on July 12.

Aware of being followed, the schoolboy zig-zagged across the road in an attempt to spook his follower but Jones closed in, grabbed him from behind and snatched the handset from his pocket.

West Midlands Police Chief Inspector Adrian Atherley, said: “We’ve taken giant strides to reduce robbery through targeted operations and rigorous management of known offenders.

“In fact, robbery is down by almost a third across the West Midlands with more than 1,500 fewer victims since April compared to the same period in 2011.

A day in the life of…

A ‘fictional’ Not Guilty, seen here.

Mandems in wigs.

So today i had court. My Grandma had passed away during the night in November and criminally
enough upon waking for community service and checking my phone to see the bad news, i didnt
attend and went down South to be with my family. Took me a while to get the courage to bang off a
letter to Probation but regardless of the excuse they breached me and i was returned to court. By court
i mean Kingston Crown which would involve bare trains and an overnight stay in London to even
achieve, so i kicked up a fuss and was transferred to ******. My letter came and told me to turn up
on the 10th. So i turn up, not on the list, hang about, ‘oh sorry theres a mistake its the 16th’..
So professional. For the purposes of those involved locations are blanked out and details are all
fictional, and resemblance to real cases is purely coincidental.

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16th January 2012

9.45 – I arrive at **** Crown for 10 am hearing. Not on the list, fuck sake, sit around till about half
10 and told im in court **. Outside court ** and anyone who has been to court will know time means
nothing and you could have 20 people all with letters saying their case is at 10am. So unusually i
decide to kill time by sitting in on all the cases, there was quite a fruity bunch of cunts so i thought
i’d take some mental notes and relay my experience for the rest of you.

10.45 – A small geezer is brought into the dock, looks a bit like a young Lee Evans. He is read his
charges – Possession and threats of using a prohibited weapon, and for the manufacture or modification
of an item to cause fear or wounding. The weapon you may ask? An electronic fly swatter, with the
end snapped off. He had threatened his missus with it in an argument and she had called the cops to
tell them he had a taser. His defence argued that snapping the end off an item purchased in a pound
shop and designed to kill flies should not warrant it becoming a prohibited weapon or anyone who
accidentally broke their electronic fly swatter should live in fear of the law.
The judge counteracted this by stating that if you were to buy a shaver and modify it to cause possible
harm through cuts or electric shock it would be classed as a threatening and prohibited weapon. He
plead NOT GUILTY and was bailed.

11.00 – A relatively pleasant looking middle aged woman was up for ABH. She had bitten a males
hand during a domestic, she didn’t make a plea as there were missing documents and was bailed on tag.

11.30 – 2 Black males on video link, 1 black male in cuffs from the cells and one black male appearing
on charges of False imprisonment, gbh and burglary. They were accused of grabbing an Asian male
and subjecting him to a 3 hour period of threats, GBH and one of the gang allegedly went to the cash
point and withdrew his money. All 4 plead NOT GUILTY and 3 were sent back to jail while one was
bailed on curfew.

12.00 – 1 male, one complete rattling bitty and one pleasant but crack-chic looking female up for affray.
The story was there was an altercation with an asian male, all off camera, then on camera they had
driven up to his market stall and attacked him, one carrying a baseball bat, but the asian had back up
and there was weapon use both sides, i was surrounded by asian males in the public dock but there
didn’t appear to be any from the other party up for the charges. The female plead NOT GUILTY and
the judge agreed with her and told her she could leave, not sure how that works but thats what
happened. The other 2 plead Not Guilty and were bailed.

12.45 – I’m up, i stand there representing myself but there is no prosecution, no one has turned up to
go against me, this is ridiculous. The judge apologises and tells me without prosecution i cannot stand,
so i am told to wait around, 2 minutes before the 1pm lunch break someone from CPS arrives to
prosecute me but we have to wait till after 2.

1-2.00 Jerk chicken, saltfish fritter, orange juice and i check out a Nychos piece while wondering
wether a grappling hook would help me get on top of a long abandoned central building i’ve always
wanted to climb, decided it wouldn’t, i’ll go back to that one at another date. Head back.

2.15 – Back in the public area, 1 male on video link, 1 male from the cells and 2 males appear in the
dock on charges of the supply of Class A. Video, phone and photographic evidence, one male pleads
guilty, the others make no please, and are bailed or sent back to jail.

2.30 – I;m up (again.) The judge doesn’t seem to take notice or make any mention to the letter
explaining my reasons for not attending. He asks me why i am representing myself when there is a
real chance my suspended sentence (for doing a Morpheus off the Matrix karate gesture at a copper)
could be activated, i tell him it’s because i want to give him a person account not have a middle man
who doesn’t know anything stand there and relay my family grievences. The judge just tells me that
i should stop making excuses and that (unbeknown to me) i have a record of coming up with shady excuses and that he is giving me 25 hours community service and if i fuck up its insta-bird.

I nod my head and fuck off home, 5 hours later.

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Phat 16

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Back in a time when graffiti was taken so seriously that it was on crime watch and they were paying you £500 per tag you grassed up!

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Don’t get dumping, they will find you!

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Real talk…

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Grifters Video

Boris and Teck with they’re adventures in Hamburg, boris is one funny man, fuckin nut job!

GRIFTERS CODE EPISODE 3: UNFOLLOW THE LEADER from Teh Grifters on Vimeo.